7 Years

That is how long I have been a mother.  To the day!  Today is my daughter's 7th birthday!  My baby girl isn't a baby any more.  She's a smart, bright, funny, inquisitive little girl who sometimes thinks she is 17.  And I love her more than anything. 

These last 7 years have flown by at Mach 4.  It was hard to think she would be in school when she was younger, but now she's going into the 2nd grade.  I remember her just lying there like a bump when she was a newborn, not able to do much for herself.  Now she's the most self-sufficient kid I know...unless she's watching TV and then she can't do anything for herself!  :) 

Growing up, I never had the big dreams of growing up, having a lavish wedding and then having my 2.4 kids.  I knew one thing for sure - I was going to be a teacher.  And that was it.  I never didn't want to be married and have kids, but first things first, was my motto.  Right after I started teaching, I met my hubby.  We dated forever and then got married.  A small wedding at my parents house.  Perfect for me.  Then came the idea of having kids.  Originally I had wanted 4.  Then we agreed on 2.  Then life decides for you! 

In 2003, after we had been married for a year, we decided we were ready for kids.  I don't know if anyone is truly ready, but we thought we were.  6 months later, we were pregnant!  Yay!  Now before you go and tell me my math is wrong, just wait!  We found out we lost the baby at 10 weeks.  :(  If that isn't enough to make you feel horrible, then nothing is.  It then took us over a year to get pregnant again.  (Tequila helps, if anyone is having difficulty!).  But we did get pregnant, she "stuck" with us and was born 7 years ago today.  It wasn't without difficulty of course, but I guess nothing great is. 

I had planned on having a normal delivery.  I even said I didn't want the epidural.  I didn't want someone behind me poking stuff into my back.  Well, that changes when you have horrible back pain from the contractions.  Lucky me!  But the pain meds helped a little.  And in fact, it was much easier for what was still to come.  After 2 1/2 hours of pushing, baby girl wasn't coming.  She was happy where she was (and my pelvis is really small...now they tell me!).  So off to a C-section we go.  I wasn't against it, as long as she was born healthy.  At 1:05pm, my little girl came into the world.  And all was good.  She was healthy and beautiful and mine (or ours, if you count hubby!). 

We had a room to ourselves in the hospital, which is unheard of.  I was able to have her with me and try to sleep.  Hubby would come home at night and sleep.  I was able to stay for 4 days since I had a c-section.  She was born on a Sunday.  And by Wednesday, I was deathly ill.  

No one knew what was wrong.  I kept getting sick.  I would have horrible pain in my stomach and then get sick.  It was awful.  Finally, after the nurses trying anything and everything they could think of, I was sent off to x-ray to see what was wrong.  Well, BINGO!  That told them.  Apparently, a nurse didn't know how to count very well.  During the C-section, they use sponges to sop up all the blood and goo and help keep things from touching other things.  And sometimes they get lot.  Apparently.  So for me, I had a sponge that was laying on my bowels and not allowing them to work correctly.  And I had a lovely infection starting to grow.  And I was becoming septic.  And I had a newborn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So, another surgery that night took that sucker out.  But it wasn't that easy.  Due to everything that I had happened, I had an NG tube in to help clear all the stuff out of my stomach.  Makes me gag just thinking about it.  Then, because of the infection, I was on STRONG IV anitbiotics for 3 days (I didn't get sick that whole school year!).  And then, to top it off, my body was fighting so hard to kill the infection that my heart rate went through the roof.  And they had to move me to the cardiac unit so they could monitor me better to make sure I didn't have a heart attack or a stroke.  Just want you want to think about when you have a 3 day old.  I couldn't take care of her.  I couldn't feed her, I couldn't change her.  I could barely hold her.  Doesn't make you feel so good. 

But then, 2 days later, I was getting better.  I was able to get up and walk, I was able to get the awful tube out of my nose/stomach and I was finally able to drink something.  And I was able to hold and care for my daughter.   And a week after she was born, we went home.  There were some more complications after that, but nothing severe.  She was healthy and happy then and is still to this day. 

With everything that happened, I did not want to have another child.  Some people tell me it's selfish.  Some tell me that the same thing wouldn't happen again.  Well, it shouldn't have happened then.  I was sad that I would only have one child.  But then I think about what I can give her.  I started to feel a little better about it and came to accept it.  Hubby had a harder time with it, and still regrets it, I think.  But I can't think about what could have been.  I think that all things happen for a reason.  I even had a doctor tell me that maybe I just wasn't meant to have kids.  I don't think I'd go that far, but I wasn't going to tempt fate again.  I love my daughter with all my heart and I also feel that I am able to give a little more to my kids at school.  They are like my own for those 180 days of the year.

So today, I will celebrate my daughter's birthday and enjoy the fact that she is mine and I am hers.  And on Friday, I will celebrate the fact that I made it through after she was born and am around to see her grow up! 

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

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