I think back to the days of summer with fondness, but also with wonder. Like what was I thinking? I had planned so much stuff that I wanted to do with my new bunch of kids. And now that we are fully in the swing of things, it just doesn't work out they way I had planned. And it bums me out. I had such high hopes, and it frustrates me and makes me question myself as a teacher. I need to find a balance. And I don't know how right now.
For some reason, this year just seems to be passing me by. I feel as if the days are going by so fast, and there isn't enough time before or after school to get it all done. I really need to stY until Lille 8 one night or get there at 6am to get a jumpstart on things. But that isn't going to happen this year. With my hubby's schedule, I need to be home at certain times. And with my daughters school,I get to work later than ever before. It's frustrating.
Luckily my kids are pretty good this year. They are, for the most part, making good growth and seem like they enjoy being at school. I haven't had the time to do a lot of "fun" as we have been busy with learning. And it bums me out, too. I feel like my kids are missing out, but I know what needs to be done, what other crap we get thrown at us week after week and then the stuff we do that we rush to finish and claim it was our fun.
It's reflecting like this that makes me feel like I suck at my job. Not all my job, but the fun part. The part the kids will remember. One of the teachers I work with always plans for the really fun stuff - big shebangs for apples, Halloween, thanksgiving, Christmas, you get the idea. She's always heavily requested by parents, and the kinder teachers just love her. Another teacher does lots of art and big projects. Her kids are historically lower than the other classes, but the kids have fun. They are probably fondly remembered by their students. I just hope they remember my name in a few years and remember that I was their teacher. That sounds selfish, but I just hope I am remembered for something.
I don't know why tonight I am all Debbie Downer about school, but I am. I have so many things I want to do, but I don't know how to get it all in. After 13 years, I am still trying to figure it all out and it is frustrating me. And to top it off, I need to find some free time to make a poster to celebrate our blue ribbon school by Thursday. And then, cause I am glutton for punishment, I m going to a meeting on Thursday about National Board Certification. I feel like I suck at my job, so might as well go listen to those who are wonderful talk about themselves. Yeah, I am glutton for punishment. Hopefully I will get out of this funk soon and realize that I am doing what they pay me to do - teach my kids and get them ready for 2nd grade!