I woke up this morning, same way as yesterday, and went, oh crap. It's now August. Oh crap! While I have been busily preparing for school these last few weeks, it's now that I start to panic. It's now I wonder if sitting on the couch, reading, playing Candyland for the gazillionth time has left me enough time to prepare for school. Deep down, I am ready mentally, but it's the little things I know I haven't done yet. But it's the little things that I have to be at school to do. I know I'll get them done, but it'll bug me until they are all done!
This is my last week of vacation. And I don't really get/want/need a vacation anymore. I feel guilty for thinking that, but I am done with vacation. I need to get back into my routine and feel normal again. Don't get me wrong, I love sleeping in until after the sun comes up and everyone else who works through the summer is up and gone. But, I also love having a routine of getting up early, getting things done, going to work, you know the drill. This year will be different as we start an hour later than this last year. I don't like that since it means we will be out an hour (and 14 minutes) later than this year. I don't like getting out late. It ruins the rest of the day, especially in the winter. I do feel guilty for going back to work and having my daughter go back to preschool. I will miss spending time with her, but at the same time, she needs her routine as well. I think she is ready to go back and see her friends that she hasn't seen since May. She's stopped talking about them now, as if they are gone forever. I hope she will be happy at school and play with her friends again. She's a very shy girl, so I am a little worried. And I feel guilty for wanting to go back to work and get out of the house! Hubs spent all my vacation studying for his big test. Now that the test is done, we have a week left together and I have already given him 3 days that he gets to stay home with our daughter. He loves this time together with her, so it's not bad.
Maybe it shouldn't be an unhappy realization. I am very glad to have a job to go to. Our district was very lucky this year and we all kept our jobs. Of course, it came at the price of furloughs, but I can be a bit more frugal. I hate to tell my kids that at school, but they aren't getting crap from me this year. I say that after I spent $10 at Target in the dollar bins on pencils. But, I have cut way back on what I buy for them, since I get very little "thanks" in return. I'm sure my daughter will be one of those who thinks it's owed to her when she is in school. Yep. We effed up on that one! But, again, I am glad I have a job to go to and I love my job. I really do. I wanted nothing more than to be a teacher since I was 8. And for the last 12 years, I have done that. There are days I wonder how much longer I have to teach before I can retire, but those are few and far between, I look forward to a good year with my kids and hope it all goes according to plan!